Creating Your Tribe: Appreciating The Balance.

No man is an island, and this is why forming meaningful bonds are extremely important to our existence and social interactions. In recent times I have  been hearing the saying, ‘find your tribe and love them hard’ going around a lot. What does this really mean? And what does this really mean to you? Who is really your tribe and why do you need a tribe in the first place?

The truth is we all need someone who we can count on in order to maintain our sanity while journeying through this life. We need a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on or someone to clink glasses with when we win. We all need someone at some point so this is why a tribe is essential, and this is why we have to take the time to create the tribe that best suits us. We all need people around us who will push us to thrive and grow into the best version of who we were created to  be. So go on then, find your tribe.

According to Matt Lee in his blog post called, ‘What are Tribes? (and why marketers should care about them), he states, ‘Historically speaking, a tribe was a community of families that bonded over one goal – to survive and raise their next generations. Today, however, we can define tribes as something less critical, like individuals who are linked by their social interests.

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I tend to agree with Lee, that currently we refer to tribe as something less critical and more about individuals who share some common beliefs, interests or goals. I believe that these are the most important factors involved when you are creating your tribe. Maybe everyone may not be on the same chapter of their story but in some way they are all working toward a common goal. Note that I did not say they are working toward the same goal. While individuals may share common interests and beliefs it doesn’t mean that their goals will be the mirror image of each other. However, they all will try to reflect and ignite each others drive and passion toward achieving those individual goals. So a tribe may consist of a doctor, an entrepreneur, a teacher, a freelance writer, a secretary, a chocolate taster or someone just trying to make ends meet, but all these individuals are on the similar journey toward achieving success in their various fields, toward being the best version of who they are. On the other hand, we may find a tribe that may consist of individuals who have their life together, some who are getting their life together and those who stress and have anxiety about almost every decision. However, each one of these individuals desire to one day be their best self. At the end of it all, we have to remember that everybody needs somebody and we all desire to be great.

There are some who may think that finding your tribe means finding people who represent the places you want to go and the people who are your mentors. Others may feel like this applies to individuals in your life who add that spark to your existence and fuel your passions. Also, this may speak to others in terms of discarding of the people who they view as non-progressive or who are stagnant in their evolution.

In this regard, I feel that there is some truth to each of these suggestions. I may be wrong but in my own interpretation of things I believe that we ought to have a healthy balanced ‘squad’. If we discard of our existing friends and go in search of entrepreneurs or millionaires to fit into our lives just for the sole purpose of our desire to become an entrepreneur one day I don’t believe that it is healthy or fair to either party. While I do encourage us to associate with individuals who we aspire to be like, we shouldn’t only associate with these individuals for solely that reason. It somewhat creates an opportunistic tone and a somewhat unhealthy relationship. If you genuinely appreciate someone and see additional benefits of a friendship with them then by all means yes, go right ahead. How would it feel to the individual if they found out that you only want to be around them only for what you can benefit from them, and not because you genuinely care about them as an individual.

We can look at this from another angle where we should let go of some people who are in our lives. Some who suck the life out of you and add absolutely no value. I am not saying that if a long time friend isn’t making a significant amount of money or may have other shortcomings that you should discard of them. As long as these shortcomings are not life threatening or illegal. Who knows this same individual may be the one who gives you that shoulder to cry on or that warm embrace when your project fails or you’ve had your millionth break up. This may be the individual who will clear their schedule just to come to you in your time of need and ensure that you are okay. This person is part of your tribe for a reason and even if they don’t possess all the glitz and glam the world likes to see, they are the ones who will ignite that spark within you and help create the environment where you can totally feel free to be yourself completely.

However, I am referring to individuals around you who may not even care when you hurt or when you’re happy. Those individuals who are not affected at all by the your wins or your failures, when you laugh or when you cry. Your tribe should almost be part of you and you part of them. Your experiences should resonate with each other in one way or another. Indifference has no place within a tribe.

And there are those people you may need to ween yourself of off, due to the fact that they do absolutely nothing for you and being around them only brings you doom and gloom. These individuals may not bring any sunshine to your life for various reasons. Sometimes it’s best to love them from a distance. Love them from a distance and take your step on the journey toward your evolution into the best version of you. Sometimes these individuals are the ones who will create doubt in your mind about your new goals and adventures. They are the ones who will preach doom and gloom on your budding business or upcoming project, don’t spend too much time with these individuals as they will definitely dull your spark. Especially when you’re on a path to creating a better you, you need people around you who will be your ‘hype squad’. Those who will not be afraid to cheer loudly for you when you experience large or small wins, and those who will be in the back ground constantly cheering you on, in your good days and who will give you that shoulder you  need on the bad ones.

In the end you are the one who is the ultimate creator of your tribe. However, you have to decide what motive drives your selection. Remember that every individual deserves love and respect in spite of the stage of the journey they are on in life. Don’t look down on individuals because they are not at the point in life that you feel they should be on, because honestly we all are on a journey to our true potential, and just as our experiences differ, so will the chapter of our story.

When you find your tribe ensure that it is a balanced one, a tribe where you can have the best of both worlds and where you can gain knowledge on varying aspects of life. One where you can be your truest self. The experiences that you will have with your tribe will affect your perspective and allow you to see life from a different angle. In addition it will allow you to be more caring and tolerant of individuals who are different from you because you will be more likely aware of why they are the way they are.

It’s almost like having a balanced diet. If we only consume carbs we will deprive our bodies of some essentials that protein will only provide. And yes, sometimes we take in more protein and less carbs and vice versa because we know what we need, and we know what we want to achieve so why not apply this is our tribe or our squad goals as well. So now I challenge you to create your tribe and love them with all the sparkly love and warmth that you possess.

Love and Light!